On the Ledge

That's a loooong way down...

                                       

There are moments in your life when you feel like you're at the edge of a cliff, you can't see what's ahead, just darkness. You're scared that if you step off your ledge, you may plummet to your doom. Yup, that pretty much describes how I feel right now.

I finally have an idea what course I want to go for, but I can't bring myself to make the plunge and tell my parents. My failed Chemistry test isn't going to help things along either.

Back to the cliff-thingy. When you are pushed back on to one of those metaphorical ledges of comfort, you have two options: step away from the metaphorical edge and stay safe, or step forward. If you step forward, one of two things can happen to you: You have a pretty good chance to plummet to your imminent metaphorical doom. Or you could find that you've stepped on to a hidden bridge which will take you to the other side where everyday is metaphorical spring. (Yes, a lot of metaphors. I know.)

I've always hated decisions like those, and decisions in general. Once you pick an option it just seems all the other doors shut right away. Once you step off the ledge, either you survive or you don't. You can't step back. Indecision (and occasionally indigestion) is the bane of every teenager's existence.

Choices are a complicated thing. Each choice could have life-altering consequences. A choice can change your story, for better or for worse. Choices are never black and white, but always a subtle shade of grey. It seems so much easier not to choose. But then, if the hero doesn't make a choice, how will the story move forward? Iron-Man can't defeat the Mandarin if he can't choose whether he will or won't. So choices are inevitable. Yes, they are scary, but your choices become who you are. So if you never choose to be anything, you will end up as Nothing.

Our Choices make us who we are, and that is something no one can change. Things may go bad, our life might end in ruins, we may get kicked, stabbed, beaten down. But we still have the choice to get up and dust ourselves off. I won't go as far as to quote so-called "Success Guides" who advise people to bury their heads underground and think everything will be fine. Nothing will be fine. You can't live your life if everything is just fine. But when you pick an option, sure a few doors shut but perhaps, a few new doors open up too. So, at the end of the day, scary as they may be, our choices are inevitable. And perhaps, they were never so complicated. You just thought they were.

Once more back unto the cliff. We have three choices: a) step back b) fall c) find a bridge to success land. Or may be there's a fourth option. We fly.We can find a place no one else has ever seen, and live our lives as we want them to be. I know, it's a long-shot.
But it's a chance I'm willing to take.

You've got to go out there, jump off the cliff, and take chances.

 Patrick Warburton

1st Little Step

15th September, 2014

Trying to write down my thoughts is most certainly not as easy as I thought it would be. Mostly because I have such little control over my own thoughts. A teacher once told me that I am a cynic. At the time I didn't know what it means. Come to think of it, I still don't know what it means.

Okay, I checked. So apparently I think people are all selfish. I don't get how that fits in because the sir was scolding me for sleeping in class. To be fair to myself, I never really liked him or his classes. But I digress.

I can't seem to think about myself so I'll say something about the first thing that pops to my mind: School. I'm sixteen, studying in the eleventh grade. The eleventh grade is a momentous time for Indian kids. It's the time when entrance coaching begins.

The stereotypical Indian household requires at least one child going for entrance coaching. In India, no one asks you what career you plan on choosing, they ask you whether you want to go for engineering or medicine. You decide what career you want after you get a degree. Luckily, unlike ninety per cent of Indian parents, my parents never forced me pick either of these. The only problem is that I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life.

So that puts me in my present situation, studying in a prestigious school of my city. The classes are boring (as they should be), the friends are fun (as my elders warn they won't be if I am ever in trouble) and overall, life is moving forward.

People often say, the best part of high school is the experience. Honestly, my experiences upto 10th grade would give anyone the impression that “high school” is the tenth circle of hell ( For those of you who have no idea what that means, Hell is supposed to have nine levels/circles). Then something life-altering happened. My mom got transferred.

I am originally from the beautiful city of Calicut (beautiful by my definition). My mom got transferred back here, so I was going to be staying in my hometown for the first time since I was two years old. I joined a new school and met new friends. New surroundings, new life. Basically everyone else in my family hates it here. I don't.

For the first time, I'm getting that high school experience immortalized in classic artworks like the evergreen Brian Adams song, Summer of '69 (and the not-so-­classic movie High School Musical, which I watched just because it was on).
Before coming to India about four years ago, I grew up in Bahrain and studied for four years in the Indian School, Bahrain. For the first time since I got on the flight leaving Bahrain, I've got that amazing feeling I used to have going to that school.

Let's be clear, I still don't find the studying part to be fun. If I did, that would be cause to worry. But I'm among like-­minded people, and that makes all the difference. Moving here has done wonders for certain other parts of my life as well, but more on that later.

The one thing that doesn't seem to have improved is my lack of direction. I still have no idea what to do with my life. And the fact that it's been more than a month (I think) since I've been to entrance coaching isn't exactly making my parents love me.

So far, after about five months here, I've met a couple of awesome, crazy people just like me and I couldn't be more content.Actually when I think about it, I could use some extra cash, a new phone, a little more free time and some idea about my career, but those can wait. Right now, I'm just going to focus on High School.
Oh, come to think of it, I have two records I have to complete waiting for me (in a different district. Long story, don't ask.) , a theatre exam I haven't studied for and the results of my other tests, including a chemistry exam I studied theatre for. I think that will make plenty of material for another blog post, granted of course, that I'm not confined to a dark room or kicked out of the house by then. So, Lots to look forward to...